Relaxed Settling In at Nursery & Kindergarten: How to Lovingly Support Your Child Through the First Days

Nadine Meybauer

She is a trained children's yoga teacher, child and youth coach, as well as a certified systemic coach and consultant (St. Gallen).

Starting kindergarten or daycare is a big milestone for the whole family, as the child is cared for by someone else for the first time. It is an emotional moment often filled with excitement, pride, but also worries. For the child, entering the daycare routine marks a new stage in their development, and for mom and dad, it is often the first step toward independence—a phase in which many different feelings come into play.

Parents and children need time to adjust to the new situation: for the children, a new caregiver, new surroundings, new sounds. What tips can help? When is the right time for settling in? Is my child ready for it?

A careful and gentle acclimation according to an appropriate acclimation model is therefore highly recommended. Parents need to trust the professionals and the new environment, and the children must gradually get used to the new situation. A good bond and relationship with the new educator is essential to ensure secure care.

How can I prepare my child for this change?

Important: There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Every child is different – but these general preparations can help with settling into daycare or nursery:

  • Read and look at books about kindergarten, daycare, or nursery topics together early on

  • Integrate a Soft Toy into everyday life that also serves as support in the nursery or daycare

  • Establish fixed rituals
    (e.g., breakfast, getting dressed, walking to the facility together)

  • Introduce other caregivers early on so the child learns that a good time can happen even without the parents and that mom and dad will always come back

  • Introduce positive beliefs:
    Depending on the age, mindfulness exercises can help strengthen the child mentally, for example: I let go of negative thoughts or I look forward to the new day

  • Choosing materials together such as backpack, lunchbox, Soft Toy, or Sun Hat – this increases the anticipation for the new phase of life

How does the settling-in process in a daycare or kindergarten take place?

A successful settling-in process begins with a sensitive approach tailored to your child's individual needs. Step by step – from the first introduction to a secure separation – a stable foundation is created, allowing your child to start the new routine with curiosity and confidence.

The introductory meeting

This is where the individual settling-in model is discussed: Which group, which educator will accompany your child? In what time frames will the initial approach take place, and when could the first separation occur? And: What special circumstances are there in your family? This conversation creates clarity and trust – also for the parents.

The acclimatization phase

In this phase, the child visits the facility together with a companion to become familiar with the rooms, routines, and people. The visits are gradually increased in duration and intensity—adjusted to your child's reactions and pace. This is where the first relationship with the new educator is formed, which later becomes so important for a secure bond in everyday daycare life.

The first attempt at separation

When your child curiously accepts initial offers and feels secure, the first separation attempt will be started in close consultation. Important: The accompanying person says goodbye clearly and lovingly, explaining that they will return soon. This helps build trust and gently introduces the child to being "alone." If your child is still uncertain, this step will be repeated until they feel carefree and secure.

Next Steps

Depending on the reaction, it will be decided how quickly the separation phases are increased. Step by step, lunch or the afternoon nap can then be integrated – until your child is fully settled into the daycare routine or preschool routine and feels stable and comfortable in the new relationship with the educator.

Successful Completion

The settling-in period is considered complete when your child starts the day at the facility without fear or tears, has built a stable bond, feels secure, and the parents leave feeling confident. Especially the relationship with the educational professionals is now a key element for your child's well-being.

What else can support the settling-in process?

Peaceful & stress-free time:

Consciously plan little else during these weeks so that you have enough space to fully focus on the adjustment period and your child.

Do not introduce any further milestones:

Weaning off the pacifier, sleep adjustments, or diaper training should preferably be postponed

Consciously design farewells:

A clear, brief separation and a familiar Soft Toy help your child to let go more easily

How long does the adjustment period take?

The duration varies from child to child. Some children are carefree on the go after just a few days, while others need several weeks. Give your child the time they need – and plan for it firmly. Stress and time pressure easily transfer to your child – just like your feelings.

Conclusion: Loving, personalized, and patient – this is how a relaxed settling-in succeeds

Settling into daycare or nursery is a significant step in a child's development – and for many parents, a small emotional balancing act. With a well-coordinated settling-in model, clear rituals, and loving support, the start usually succeeds tear-free and worry-free. A stable relationship with the new caregiver is the key to making your child feel secure, building a strong bond, and allowing you to send them off with a good feeling for the day.

 
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